power, privilege, and everyday life.
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“Can you move these chairs so I can sit down with my friend and eat?”
White woman to me, a black man. I was waiting in line to be seated at a restaurant in Washington DC.
I’m in an ethics class, and the topic of microaggressions came up today. I was astonished to discover that at least half the class believes that “microaggressions aren’t real” because people “are too sensitive and need to grow a thick skin”. The class, including my teacher, proceeded to mock microaggressions for the rest of the period.
I, an Asian girl, was waiting with my mother on line in a New York County Court with a Hispanic family in front of us. A white male that was working there walked past us, completely ignored us and greeted another white male that was on line behind us with “How can I help you, sir?” Keep in mind we were all fluent in English.
We are learning American history in college. We are focused on slavery and the Civil War during the lead up to the 2014 referendum. After the results a white, yes (Brexit) -voting classmate cries that “I was trying to free us from slavery like blacks were in slavery.” This was after we studied several slave narratives which clearly illustrated the horrors that black people had to endure. Several other classmates nag the teacher about “why we don’t sussed like the South did.”
“Let the GIRL go pass.”
Said to me (an African American woman over the age of 30) by a young white male (under the age of 30) on the light rail; (on my way home from an Orioles game) when I refused to go under his arm to exit the train and I brought to his attention that he was impeding my passage, after saying “excuse me” numerous times and his refusal to move out of the way.
“May I help you?”
A white man at Target when I approached my mom (a white woman), as if I (a black girl) was trying to take something from her. I felt like people don’t know about interracial adoption
“You talk like a white girl.”
I have been told this many times because I use ‘big’ words when I am talking casually. I am a Black girl.
Today at work, there was a Latino father and his children. Like children, they were playing and running around the store. My white boss comes up to me and says “Hispanic people have absolutely no control over their kids.”
“I mean it’s morally wrong to fire people because they’re gay, but that doesn’t mean that it should be illegal!”
My brother, a straight white man who has never had to fear discrimination in the workplace.
“Look, it’s a dog walker. You have such a cool job!”
A white woman in the lobby of my condo. To which I replied: “These are MY dogs and I live here.” Her [totally oblivious] “Oh! He does too!” I shook my head and got into the elevator. It felt as if she were implying that a Afro-American person–much less a woman–could afford to live in this building.
“Can I speak to a man?”
A male library patron looking for car repair books. I don’t have to be male (or know how to fix cars) to do my job of finding books for library patrons!
A substitute teacher to my class of English as a Second Language students- "So what? Are you all Mexicans?“ The kids came and told me the next day :(
A microaggression I face on a daily basis is the lack of respect for my gender. People do not bother to ask about my pronouns, and assume that I am cisgendered. I am constantly called ma'am, miss, she/her, because my body is feminine shaped, even when i express more masculine, people try to push me into the box of cisgendered female, even though I am not. Also, on forms, there is often no box for pangender identity, or even to say that I am something that is not a man or a woman, or both. Society has no place for my identity, and conflates sex and gender, also saying that I must identify as cisgendered. I must jump through many hoops to have my pronouns, gender, and honorifics respected in most settings.
My husband and I are both African American and have been together for over two years now. I have always known that he had previously dated a lot of women of other ethnicities. However, I was extremely shocked when he told me that he had always avoided black women in particular because they can be “loud and aggressive” and that he was happy that I wasn’t like that all the time. He refused my rebuttal that there are women like that in all cultures. While I don’t question his love for me, it is a constant worry that maybe he will find another woman who has all the same favorable qualities that I have but with fair skin, straight hair and light eyes. It drives me crazy that my appearance, his own appearance, is not the one he finds attractive.
I live in a European country. I am mixed black and white. I was overjoyed when I made another similarly mixed acquaintance. Until I realized she calls all Asians “Chinese” and states “they’re all the same to me.” I tried to reason with her several times but she just doesn’t want to get why her comments are racist and unacceptable. She even called my Nepalese/German sister-in-law “Chinese” straight into her face, who was really offended (not because it’s bad being Chinese, but due to this stereotyping). I am so shocked she doesn’t know better and only realizes racism when it refers to herself.